I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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