New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize