they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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