I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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