Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
