she woke up with a sticky ear
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
