I hope mine doesn't look like that
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
