So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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