dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
