he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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