Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
