my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
