Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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