Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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