my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
