Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
