I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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