I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
