I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
