What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
