Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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