When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize