honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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