we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
