do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
