Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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