Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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