Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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