Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
