i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
