I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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