So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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