i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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