This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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