My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
