he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
