You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
