shes about as inviting as chlamydia
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
