Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
