I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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