break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
