oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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