So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
