she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
