So drunk its hurt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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