Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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