look no pants
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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