I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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