Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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