Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
