nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
