Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
