I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
