so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
