i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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