Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
