I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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