D3 body, D1 cock
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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