I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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