Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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